**This gets wordy. If you want to see nice pictures just scroll down**
I did something that scared me to my core the other day – and I am so thankful I did it.
I offered to help out my local college summer league baseball team, the Winnipesaukee Muskrats, this season (kind of picture Summer Catch with Freddie Prinze Jr. for an idea – a Hollywood idea since real summer ball isn’t like that at all). And what I thought would be a couple months of volunteer work during my slow season turned into a really fun slow season and summer season volunteer job. It’s wrapping up now as the summer baseball season comes to a close, and the other night was a big promo night I had helped arrange, the Host Family Appreciation Night. Depending on what our promo night is, we try to get someone appropriate to throw the first pitch, and if possible, sing the National Anthem. I was asked which one I wanted to do, with neither not being an option. Since I’ve never really thrown a baseball, the choice was made for me. I’d be singing. In front of people. Real people. Not in the shower like normal, where people (including my family) don’t exist because I can’t see them. Petrified. I was petrified.
Just a quick background, growing up I sang (I wasn’t Kelly Clarkson but I had a bucket I could carry a tune in), and was in chorus and theater, and even went on to try to study musical theater in college. I say “try” because after a semester of study, and a truly terrible talent show rendition of “Carrickfergus” I decided to give it up. It’s all I had ever thought I’d do, but I had failed. Nope I was done. And now, more than 15 years later, I was asked to sing somewhere that wasn’t the comfy confines of my bathroom. In front of living, breathing people that could judge me and watch me fail.
I summoned up some courage (I’m still not sure how), and went out and sang. In front of a crowd of about 240 people. A lot were friends. Some were acquaintances. Most were strangers. And while I’m not winning a Grammy anytime soon, I was able to pull it off despite losing my note in the beginning.
The reason I’m sharing this story with you, is because it got me thinking of how often in life we hide away out of fear of judgement, fear of people witnessing our failure, or even fear of witnessing our success. It’s why I don’t blog nearly as much as I should. What if no one reads it? What if I don’t know what to write? What if they look at my portraits and hate them? What if I’m not good enough?
That stops today. Was I afraid of signing? Yeah totally. Did I die? No (I didn’t even throw up even though I was convinced I would). Did I do an okay job. Yes. Did I learn something about myself? Hell yes.
To anyone who is afraid to do something because they fear failure, judgement, success, or anything like that – stop. Just stop. “Success is not final, failure is not fatal; it is the courage to continue that counts.” A pretty kickass and tenacious British leader said that. (Churchill). And while you do learn a lot from failure, and it makes success that much sweeter – I think you learn a lot more from courage to persist in spite of fear and failure. “I know that sounds like a cat poster – but it’s true.” (a quote from someone almost as kickass as Churchill, though less real, Vitruvius).
And with all that said…I’m going to stop fearing and start posting pictures of a senior session I did a while back with an awesome guy named Bailey! Bailey is super talented and was awesome in front of the camera and just a blast to photograph! Thanks again Bailey!!!
Leave a Reply